so mizzzunderstood baby...so misunderstood

in the spring of 2001, hearings began in front of an Israeli state appointed inquiry into the deaths of 13 unarmed palestinians - 12 israeli arabs and one Gazan - killed during a a brief outbtreak of protests inside israel that coincided with begining of the Intifada. The inquiry came to be known as the Or Commision. The event was unique. Justice Theodor Or quistinoned ploice commanders and senior politicians. It was the first time when a senior judge come in a position to examine authoritatively and in public the relations between the Israel's jewish majority and its Arab minority.

yet, there was a glass wall. not a metaphoric glass wall, but a real phyiscal glass wall that only within weeks was built between the public gallery, where the palestinian families sat, and the rest of teh courtroom. The glass wall lasted for the rest of the inquiry with the juries, judges, and state witnesses found on one side and the families of the victims on the other. In photographs and on TV, the glass wall, however, didnt seem to exist. It was as if everyone was sitting in one courtroom waiting for justice to prevail.

Israeli's famous wall, or using the israeli version of the name, "security fence", is another example of Israel fondness of partitions. The wall is also called "anti-terror fence" or more neutrally, called barrier. it is a series of interconnecting walls/fences made of concrete, steel and razor wire, but this is only how it appeared to observers from the palestinian side. from the Israeli side, however, the wall is almost invisible, and what is looks like instead is a landscape embankment, planted with bushes and cactuses. In other sections of the wall there were paintings reimagining the view that was now missing.

Like the Israeli Or Commision glass wall or the "security fence", we construct our own walls. Our walls, however, are made to resemble more the glass Or Commision wall. we carefully design them while making sure they never seem to exist. yet unlike the Or Commision glass walls, and more like the scurity fence, our own walls are not only designed to silence us, but also serve to intimidate the rest of the people. Our walls are effective, coz they mask the nature of their seperation. for people on the other side, we look perfectly clear. However our glass walls are a deception, they prevent everyone on the other side from comprehending what they see.

behind our walls we seek security. Thats why we may prefer to call it a security fence. Our walls prevent our truths from getting through. through out glass walls we decieve the world into believing, ironically, not always what we want them to believe, but what we think will keep us safe. safe from pain of rejection. Safe from of being laughed at. Safe from our self consiousnesses. Safe of bieng anything else but all macho and strong. It is the distoring lens through which we aim to project ourselves. without our glass walls, we feel naked.

we are afraid of bieng misunderstood, yet also at times afraid of bieng understood. we are afraid of getting our truths and feelings through. We speak too much, but rarely mean what we say, or feel what we mean. we talk and talk and talk but usually unable to lay our cards on the table. we go back and forth between trying to make ourselves understood or at times misunderstood.

so this is in tribute of all my friends. For those I willingly destroy my glass walls for. For those who see me for what I am. For those I need not hide behind walls. for those who donot need to analyse to understand me. for those who have accurate insight for my mind and heart. For you are with me in the same courtroom and what the camera caughts is what we actually feel. In tribute of no hidden agendas.