lost

Today, she died.

Its sad, shoking and confusing.

It happened fast, but these few minutes struggling for a breath, gasping for air and shaking from rapid, irregular heart beats are now deeply engraved, along with other similar unpleasant memories, in a dark place in my head.

I hope that for her, these moments didnt feel as bad as they looked.

what may seem as the moment of release, and when the shaking stops, a new chapter of missing begins.

The life and energy that used to exist, suddenly vanishes. and all your 5 senses start getting confused. the lost life familiar smell, shape and voice are starting to go and soon will completely dissapear leaving instead void.

u know that the body lieing infront of u now has turned to merely a material. a collection of unfunctioning muscles and blood vessels that will soon also be of no existance. but you still cannot avoid looking at it as if soon it'll start again talking, walking and moving around.

My mind still struggles with familirazing itself into the fact that what is lieing infornt of me now is merely an empty container and nothing anymore lives in it, and that although I can still allocate it, an allocation of whatever used to be there is not anymore possible.

Though she still exists, and unlike her body, wont vanish. she is now beyond reach or communication. she is now lost.

Both literally and metaphorically, having lost, leaves you also lost.